Spirituality and Same Sex Relationship

The one part of my life which I have never really looked at until recently was how I feel about same sex relationships. Many years ago, in 1977 I had a radio show in Australia. This was 5 years before I opened the metaphysical doorway. It was a 3 hour show every Friday morning and I was the most popular person each week on the radio. Mainly because people loved my English accent, and I realize now, that people were affected by my energy even then, as one woman had said to me, you are so comforting on the radio! I had to have a theme for my show, and I had heard a piece of music which I just loved, it was called Billitus, and I was not to know it was the music from a film about lesbians! I just loved the music. This piece of music played my show in and played it out. One day, I had a letter from a woman who told me she loved my show and would love to meet me. Her name was Elizabeth and she was married with two children. I arranged to meet her a few days after the letter arrived. (There was no email then as far as I recall) We met in town, had a delicious lunch and talked and talked. Elizabeth seemed so nice and invited me back to her house to see photo’s of her children and talk further. I went along quite innocently.

During my visit to her home, she made a cup of tea for me and sat down at my feet. There she began to tell me how much she loved me, how she loved my show and wanted to be with me. I did not know what to do, because I certainly did not feel the same way. I also felt embarrassed, deeply embarrassed. I was married with children myself, I was not happy in my marriage, but the thought of being with another woman was YUK!! I could not get out of the house quick enough. She had given me a book by Karlil Gibran over our lunch, called “The Prophet” apparently I had mentioned on air I loved Gibran’s writing, and did not have a book. I left the book behind in my effort to leave the house as quickly as I could. When I got home, I felt sick, I also felt “dirty” as if I had been invaded. Elizabeth tried to contact me at the radio station by phone, but I refused to take her calls. She sent the Karlil Gibran book by mail, with a nice card; I threw it in the bin. I cannot believe I did it now, but at the time I was so confused and embarrassed. It was as if the book was a part of what had taken place. I changed the music also in the show to something quite different. I shut the experience completely out of my mind and got on with my life, moving house and area a few years later.

After my experience with Elizabeth, many years passed without my having to face the issue again. Meantime the Aids issue became big, and then waned off. It was considered if you were gay as these relationships were known as, that you would get Aids. However, I was getting on with my life, experiencing a recession where I was a major player, and discovering metaphysics. I met quite a few gay people during this time, but kept on the outside of their energy, as I was so frightened what had happened before, would happen again. When I became a clairvoyant reader I had a few clients who were gay and the energy I channeled for them was so filled with love and understanding, but still myself, I had huge difficulty in understanding them. When Maitreya entered my life, one of the first things he began teaching me was love for all humanity no matter who. I had always had love in my heart for everyone, but this issue of gay people was a big block for me to get by.

Maitreya taught me that love in any form was the most beautiful thing people could have. He also taught me about sexual pleasure and how important it was for our spiritual/higher consciousness development, but also for OUR pleasure. Personally I had never had an orgasm; I had to admit I was very inexperienced in the sexual area. In fact to be honest I was downright embarrassed at the talk of sex, and at doing anything other than what basically my parents did. Maitreya led me to books which explained sex in a whole new way; He taught me through many different ways about sexual energy, once leading me through the tease of a book in a shop window on tantric sex, into a shop where I had to ask for the book. The shop was very busy and the owner said very loudly when I asked for the book in the window “Oh the book on tantric sex.” which made everyone look up and my cheeks to go bright red!! One day, I woke up in the morning and felt I had a Penis and testicles; it was as if etherically I did. I could feel the testicles heavy between my legs, and as the day progressed, my Penis rose at the very thought of sex or at the vision of any pretty woman who crossed my path. Thoughts of Elizabeth again surfaced. I learned what it feels like to be a man for the day, and I must be the only female who knows what the tingle feels like before a man has an orgasm. However, after one day, it was over, but not before I had learned that men are totally different to women and understanding the male energy a lot better. It was then Maitreya told me he did not like the word gay. He preferred to use the word “free.” Because he said these people who had same sex relationships were free, they had freed themselves from the binding of conditioning. It took a big commitment to be free and so he wrote a teaching about this. He counseled me on the subject of same sex relationships. I told him it was OK with me, but I did not feel it was for me. He told me that was OK but not to judge and more than ever not to be afraid of these people (which I had to admit I was.) I had been brought up by parents who called these people faggots and other such names.

I had to learn to uncondition myself which was not an easy task. However I found myself becoming more and more understanding. Maitreya brought free couples into my life to show me how their love was given and received. By now, free people were beginning to have families, and a lot of controversy was created because of this. However, I began to think after seeing quite a few couples, why should they not do this? I could see that many of them had so much love to give to children. The common thought was that the children of these couples would become free themselves, but after meeting a couple of families who had been brave and done this many years before and speaking to the children, they were as normal as other families, they just had two of the same sex people as parents. They said they had no feelings themselves for the same sex people. I was beginning to change.

As I began to relax more about same sex relationships, I found that I was becoming more and more understanding about other subjects as well. I found myself talking to free people up close, and actually not being frightened of doing so, something which in my early years would have freaked me out. I remember as a young girl, two particular people, one was a man called Quinten Crisp who when I was in England, came out and admitted he was free at a time when it was considered horrific. He was called all sorts of names and suffered terribly for doing so. Another was when Rock Hudson the film actor died and the press was desperately trying to prove he was free also. They never did at the time, but many years later, after of course many more people had come out, it was proved he was. I began to say, when I met a very handsome free person; “What a waste!” I was changing so much I could not believe it. In 1991 a friend of mine lost her husband to cancer. It devastated her. She had two young children and I realize now she could not face what had happened. I needed someone to help me on the road while I traveled, and she needed to get away. Leaving her children with some friends at the times I went away, we traveled together for me to do my readings and teaching. One evening, in the hotel room, she was crying in her bed over her deceased husband. I decided to get into bed with her and comfort her. As I lay there in bed with her, I found myself actually feeling good about this. She had her back to me, and all of a sudden I felt very loving towards her, I was also feeling sexual. She did not turn around, and eventually went to sleep. I went back to my own bed and lay there thinking about the experience. It did not frighten me, in fact it felt good. I asked myself what I would have done if something had happened. I came to the realization it would not have bothered me, I would have gone with the flow. I felt liberated!

Since that time, I have not had any desire for a female companion or partner. When I met and married Alan, I felt complete, as we are so alike. I knew there would be nobody else for me after Alan and Maitreya confirmed this. However, I was watching TV one night, and there was a new show on MSNBC called “The Rachel Maddow show” Rachel was an incredible woman, she was not only incredible, but openly free. I loved her in a non romantic way. Once again the feeling I had previously was back. However this time I openly welcomed it without fear or wanting to hide. It does not feel “bad” anymore to have that feeling, and I am certainly no longer afraid of it anymore. Do I still love Alan, you bet I do? I also know that I need a man in my life, but would I consider a woman if that were different? You bet you I would. I was thirty two when I met Elizabeth, and I am now sixty two. Thirty long years have passed, and during that time my belief system has totally changed. I cannot thank the world of spirit enough for enabling me to see this and to make the change I have done. Maitreya has said, love is love, it does not matter how it is used. I whole heartily agree.

When to End a Casual Sex Relationship

Did you take that extra step with a platonic male friend? Sure, it seemed like a good idea at first. You get along well with him, you can hang out for hours on end, and both of you are single. So why not satisfy each other sexually with no strings attached? You’ll always have that companion and you’ll have a partner in bed that doesn’t require as much work or emotion as a romantic relationship! But then reality sets in: you are starting to develop stronger feelings for him. You think about him when he’s not around. And every time you fool around with him, it becomes more and more obvious that you are starting to fall in love with him. If this is you, it’s probably a good time to end this relationship before it gets too ugly!

A casual sexual relationship with a good friend will almost inevitably start out fantastic. It seems like it solves all of your problems. You get to keep a supportive, functional platonic relationship going while adding a little spice for your needs. The unfortunate reality, however, is that women tie romantic feelings in with sex, regardless of whether it is conscious or not. Men are built for hit-and-run sexual encounters. It’s easy for them to have a little fun and walk away without any altered feelings. Women are not the same. Sex is a very intimate act, even if it is supposedly casual. A woman will enter the situation thinking they’re capable of managing their emotions, but often times they will take hold before she even notices. And the longer this relationship transpires, the bigger the risk of heartbreak.

The second you start realizing that your emotions are developing beyond the platonic, it is wise to end the casual sex relationship with your friend. You may entertain fantasies that he is feeling the same way, but that is very, very unlikely. It’s not going to happen. You need to protect yourself. So how do you do that?

It’s simple. Tell him no. Say no to answering his calls or messages. Say no to any suggested outings or anything resembling a date. Say no to him coming over late at night for a “booty call” when his other options fall through. Be unavailable. He will get the hint and you will save yourself from the eventual heartache that will accompany him ending the relationship — which will happen at some point if you don’t.

Remember that you both entered into this relationship with certain expectations on the table. Don’t be resentful that it didn’t turn in your favor, simply distance yourself until you feel you are healed. Then, hopefully, you can revive the platonic relationship (without sex!) and move on to a healthier relationship that is intended to be romantic.

Love, Sex & Relationships – Monogamy is Unnatural & Responsible Non-Monogamy Can Save a Relationship

It’s difficult for many of us to see how responsible
non-monogamy can save a relationship; fears and
misconceptions about this emotionally touchy subject
can interfere with understanding how it can be beneficial.
Although non-monogamy is not for everyone and is not
always appropriate, below is a comparison of monogamy
and responsible non-monogamy. Note: cheating, lying,
unsafe sex, and promiscuity are not part of responsible
non-monogamy. Complete and radical honesty with your
partner is, and that seems to be what’s most threatening
and challenging to many of us.

With the custom of monogamy, you own each other, sort of
like how you own property. Your partner is yours and if they
even look at someone else the wrong way anger and jealousy
are common.

With responsible non-monogamy, a couple accepts that
owning the rights to each other isn’t love, but possessiveness.
What about the possibility of one of them falling in love with
someone else and abandoning the other? This can happen in
any relationship because you don’t need to sleep with someone
to fall in love with them. Furthermore, it seems that when two
people are destined to meet and fall in love they will,
regardless of whether or not they are single or involved.

With the custom of a traditional commitment and monogamy,
falling in love with someone means that fantasies (such as
“together forever” and “you are mine for the rest of my life”
and “grow old together”) become expectations, and when
they aren’t met it results in disappointment, heartache, anger,
and even divorce.

A responsibly non-monogamous couple tends to accept their
relationship as it is rather than how they want it to be or how
it’s “supposed to be.” They realize that if their relationship
fades or their partner falls in love with someone else, that’s
the way it was likely destined to be. If your relationship ends,
wouldn’t you rather accept that there is a more appropriate
match out there instead of pretending that your existing
connection is “the one” forever?

With the custom of monogamy, when someone cheats it is
kept secret. Because monogamy and honesty are often
assumed in relationships, both the cheater and the person
being cheated on are at risk for contracting STDs. According
to statistics, over 50% of men and women in “committed”
relationships cheat on their partners. Is assumed monogamy
realistic or safe?

With responsible non-monogamy, because there are no sexual
secrets, a couple is more likely to discuss and practice safe sex.

With the custom of monogamy, based on the above statistics,
the illusion of monogamy is much more important to many
people than honesty.

Responsibly non-monogamous couples, on the other hand,
place more value on radical honesty because truthfulness
brings them closer together. In light of this, responsible
non-monogamy could potentially reduce the divorce rate
and introduce a deeper level of honesty in relationships.

With the custom of monogamy, it’s common to blame
an ex-partner and their affair for the reason why the
relationship didn’t last. It’s interesting to note that the
policy of strict monogamy is never blamed in these
situations, yet many who cheat appear better suited for
non-monogamy. Truth be told, some people (both men
and women) feel like caged animals in long-term
monogamous relationships.

With the custom of monogamy, the topic of exclusive
intimacy often is not discussed, but is usually expected.
Is this always realistic or even reasonable, especially when
you know the person has strayed in previous relationships
or sense he or she isn’t the kind of person who would be
happy being sexually exclusive with one person for the rest
of his or her life?

That brings us to related topics: Can we honestly expect
sexual passion to last decades in all relationships? Also,
what happens if one partner loses interest in sex or if one
reveals, years later, that he or she really doesn’t like sex and
wants to avoid it? Masturbation is not a good long-term
substitute for sexual intimacy.

With the custom of monogamy, you are supposed to be
attracted to your partner and only your partner. If you have
desires for or fantasies about someone else, even if you don’t
act on them, they are kept secret. This form of dishonesty can
drive a wedge between couples.

With responsible non-monogamy, the couple acknowledges
that we are all human and an attraction to someone else,
especially during a long-term monogamous relationship, is
natural.

A responsibly non-monogamous couple puts their
commitment to each other and their relationship first so
an attraction to someone else is less of a threat. It is natural
to feel insecure or jealous if your partner is attracted to
someone else, and it’s going to happen whether you’re
monogamous or not, but when a couple is open and honest
with each other about the subject it’s a lot less likely to
cause a problem.

What about children, you ask? Some responsibly non-
monogamous and progressive couples create a “commitment
contract,” where financial arrangements and planning
covering possible scenarios (together for 5 years, 10 years,
20 years, etc.) are agreed upon prior to marriage and before
children are conceived. A new concept? Hardly. Ancient
Egyptians had 5 and 10 year marriage contracts. If mutually
agreed upon, they would renew. Although it’s not easy to
address the subject like you would a business matter, it’s
much tougher to do so later in divorce court. If two people
are unwilling to confront or unable to agree on these issues
before marriage it’s a red flag for their longevity as a couple.

With the custom of monogamy, sex is love, and if your
partner has sex with someone else, they’ve betrayed you
emotionally and it must mean they don’t love you anymore.

Responsibly non-monogamous couples realize that while
love can be expressed through sex, sex in itself with a
secondary partner (if okay with all involved–including the
primary partner) does not have to diminish the love already
established with the primary partner, nor does it put the
primary relationship at risk, if the primary connection is
solid. Something real cannot be threatened. This idea is
similar to having one best friend and many good friends;
you don’t expect your best friend to fulfill everything for
you that many friends do.

With the custom of monogamy, often it’s “No cheating or
else!”

Responsibly non-monogamous couples realize that giving
such an ultimatum is about as effective as telling your teenager
never to drink alcohol. It’s more effective to discuss the issue
and to have a “no punishment policy” for your kids if they
call you for a ride to avoid driving drunk or to avoid riding
with someone who is drinking and driving. Similarly, such
a policy for responsible non-monogamy will encourage
honesty and can strengthen the commitment.

Lastly and most importantly, if we cheat, even if no one finds
out, negative karma is incurred and we set ourselves up for a
similar situation to “happen to” us in the future. Whatever
action we take will, in time, come back to us, so even though
radical honesty in relationships may be difficult it is often the
best policy. The eyes of truth are always watching us.

Copyright © 2007 Scott Petullo, Stephen Petullo